


Another Light

by Sapphic_Songbird



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Gen, Katherine Howard-centric, it's gonna focus on her trauma and getting to terms with everything, trigger warnings as they come, will be mentioning things that have happened to her in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28251639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphic_Songbird/pseuds/Sapphic_Songbird
Summary: The future's brighter than you'll ever know if you ever frame your mind and see it all in another light. // Katherine Howard isn't coping well with her second chance of life.
Relationships: Katherine Howard & Everyone
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36





	1. Another Light

She felt groggy when she woke up. Her tongue felt like lead in her mouth and as she shifted in her bedsheets to face the wall, she could only pick up her phone to do some scrolling on some social media she barely cared for these days.

It had only been two months since she had been reincarnated and lived with the other queens that lived in her house. Her past and current life mixing and blending uncomfortably into a blob that she had to try and parse through. To try and separate the things that happened then to the things that have happened now.  
And it wasn’t like it was a beheading, a long sleep, and then the dull numbness that she imagined would have come with reincarnation either- it was the sharp edge of the axe followed immediately by… Well, she didn’t know. Katherine couldn’t remember her current life memories up until the age she was beheaded. Was she technically a zombie like those movies that her and Anne watched but more human somehow?

She didn’t bother sparing it another thought.

Besides, that was two months ago, and this was now. The bitter sting of memories that stayed in the edges of her mind slowly faded into a pleasant lull and she went downstairs to grab some breakfast. 

Katherine had a lot of hope for this second chance of life. She didn’t have the shadow of her father looming down on her, or the pressures of being at the height of society of any of that. No, she could just be that nineteen-year-old girl with a passion for music and history and that was who she intended to be. 

“Morning, Kit,” Catalina greeted with a small smile, flicking the switch on the kettle and taking a seat in one of the many chairs in the kitchen-dinning room. “You sleep alright?”

Katherine just bobbed her head tiredly, still not fully awake but she was happier than she was when she woke up at least. Lina usually woke up early to do her morning prayers and that was when she’d come downstairs to make a cup of tea and watch the morning news. The youngest of the two (of the six, really) must have just caught her when she was just finished. How nice. 

“I did, yeah.” She finally responded. “Could I have a coffee please, Lina?”

“’Course,” The Spaniard responded, grabbing two mugs and filling them up with the sugar, coffee and tea bag respectively and a splash of milk in Katherine’s.

While this quiet, domestic goings on was happening, the pink-tipped queen couldn’t help but watch the other carefully, studying her almost. How did she handle the reincarnation? What was it like for her? She knew of the first queen’s struggles, she knew all of the queens struggles because of the musical they wrote and performed in, and she couldn’t help but feel…. 

“Here you are, mija,” Catalina hummed, placing it down in front of her before taking a sip from her tea. Classic Earl Grey with one sugar in. “You want to watch something with me? It—doesn’t have to be the news.” She almost seemed sheepish, it wasn’t all too often the two could hang out and she wanted to make the most of her time with Katherine before the others woke up.

Guilt flooded Katherine’s stomach as she took a sip, barely able to believe that she could resent her, the others, even just a little with how well they’ve adapted to life so far. “Of course,” She managed out, standing up to move with the taller woman into the sitting room. A compromise was made where they just watched a breakfast show instead, a mix of news and entertainment, and as the morning went on and more queens joined them, it was easy for those conflicting emotions inside of Katherine to calm down and be boxed neatly away.

She could unpack it later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Another Light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEbaRfHSTSc)
> 
> This is the start of series of fics that are Katherine Howard centred based on songs from an album I love, Red Vox's Another Light. I hope you enjoy reading. Please note the songs aren't required listening but the fics will be based on each song.  
> 


	2. Settle for Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this a chip upon my shoulder? As heavy as a boulder? When all the world owes you a crown // Katherine Howard isn't coping well with her second chance of life.

Katherine was bitter. There, she admitted it. 

She hated herself for it too. All things considered; things were going great. She was in a successful musical about their lives, she was surprisingly close to the other queens, things were going incredibly well for her. Except for the stupid nightmares that seemed to plague her every night.

Hands grasping and groping; the voices of men saying her name in different and eerie tones, a horrific reminder of her past. And then the axe swinging down to her neck. Katherine was exhausted, hated waking up every night to silent tears or to the concerned stares of the other queens when she would scream. It was humiliating because everyone else seemed to be coping so well. Why couldn’t she?

Okay, backtrack, Anne wasn’t quite coping as well as the other queens admittedly. Though she never screamed at night, she was also plagued by nightmares but the difference between the cousins was that Anne actually was able to talk about it. Katherine wasn’t strong enough to do that. Or, rather, she didn’t want to burden the other queens by talking about her past trauma. She’d been watching a lot of TV lately, as well as a lot of documentaries about the ‘Six Wives of Henry The Eighth’ and, well, it just filled her up with shame. Like her struggles either didn’t count and matter because she wanted it (which she did, right?) or it was too taboo to talk about. 

Katherine was struggling. She was exhausted. She was worthless. She didn’t even deserve to be brought back with the others, but if she had said that out loud then the queens would admit that she didn’t deserve the entire debacle that went on in her life. So, either way, these were thoughts she had to struggle with on her own.

When she went downstairs, Anne was the first person she saw. Turns out everyone had went out to the city centre for the day and because Katherine had slept late and Anne wanted to catch up on Rupaul’s Drag Race, they had left without any thought like ‘hey, maybe we’ll wait for Kitty and make sure she’s okay!’ 

“You okay, Kitty?” Anne had asked with a small smile which was so unlike her. The fact that Katheirne had a bad night must have been obvious on her face, and so the younger queen had to quickly throw on a smile- faked as it may have ended up being.

“Of course I am!” She was an actor, Anne should have been so easy to convince. Anne mustn’t have twigged on that something really was wrong, much to her absolute relief.

“You wanna watch season 5 then? I reckon Alyssa Edwards is gonna win,” She chattered, already turning on Netflix and not waiting for an answer. Katherine would have said yes anyway, but she was just… so tired.

“I didn’t even answer, Anne.”

“Huh?” Anne turned towards her with a raised brow, a small head tilt to the side. “What do you mean? We… We usually watch it, so I thought…?”

Katherine usually sorted her head into boxes. Her trauma box, her nightmare box, depression and anxiety- all the things thought unsavoury tucked away neatly in a small shelf in the corner of her brain. She liked that arrangement, it meant she could present the best parts of herself and be the good student Mannox wanted—the good secretary Dereham wanted—the good queen Henry wanted—the good friend Thomas—

The boxes got too heavy on one side of the shelf and they all tumbled over. They crashed on the floor in a deafening roar and as for Katherine? Well, she couldn’t help herself.

“Of course you thought! No one thinks about me, Anne!” Katherine’s fists clenched, small crescent moons pressed into the flesh of her palms. Her nostrils flared, mind overwhelmed because a meltdown was not exactly marked in on the calendar or written in her to do list, yet here she was.

“What? Kitty, what are you talking about, of course we do! We worry about you all the time!” Anne had tried to reason, she loved her cousin to the moon and back, but she couldn’t help but be on the defensive. She couldn’t understand what had gotten into the youngest queen, and all this for what- a show that they watched on Netflix?

She knew she was being irrational. “I don’t need your fucking worry!” She knew she wasn’t quite in control and it terrified her. “You know what, Anne? Fuck you.” She didn’t want to cry in front of her, and even though the fight wasn’t as big as it could have been, she stalked to the door and squeezed into her trainers. 

“Where are you going, Kit?” If there wasn’t any condescension laced in her words, it didn’t matter to the brunette who found it and whipped around to face the panic-stricken face of her predecessor 

“Out.” She spat out. “Away from you, you… Y-you…” Katherine’s face crumpled at the stammer, her mind seemingly blanking from coming up with a good retort before, finally—

“I hate that it was a fucking sword!”

And she was gone, leaving Anne completely heartbroken and bewildered. The fact she even alluded to her execution was a low blow and Katherine, who was powerwalking down the street to God knows where with tears staining her cheeks, knew that. She just needed Anne to feel the hurt that she was. To ensure that she wasn’t the only one that was suffering and struggling to cope.

It wasn’t until dark fell down on London that Katherine Howard came home. All the queens were crowded around Anne, placing a placating hand on her shoulder and as soon as they heard the door, they stared at her and Katherine could only stare back, unsure and terrified.

“Katherine Howard,” Came Jane’s gentle voice, stern but still cautious. “Why would you say something like that to Anne? She just wanted to spend time with you.” 

Katherine only sniffed in response, her eyes watering slightly when Anne looked up with her red-rimmed eyes and her lip wobbling in an attempt not to cry again. She was an absolute monster. Disgusting.

“Howard,” Came Catalina’s approach, not at all gentle like Jane’s and more authoritative as the head of the household. She watched carefully as she flinched, swallowing and stepping a little bit closer to the seemingly unstable queen. “Please. Just apologise to her and talk to us. Where did you go? We were worried sick.”

And that was when she ran upstairs. Catalina looked at the other queens with a forlorn expression, her mouth dry as she sat uselessly on the chair beside her. The door slammed and the queens were left in an uncomfortable silence with no way to know how to proceed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Settle for Less](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM0qyvsb-SM)  
> It's just going to get more rough from here on out folks


	3. Memories Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a little while, I'll be out of style, out of grace and reality. When I feel disposable, I'll pretend it meant something to me. || Katherine Howard isn't coping well with her second chance of life.

“Knew you’d mess up eventually.” That was the voice of her step-grandmother that spoke then, Agnes circling around Katherine with a small click of her tongue. “Stupid girl. You really can’t keep yourself behaved for more than one minute, can you? First being promiscuous with two men while you were in my care and one other out of wedlock, and now keeping your unlady-like temper in check. You put the Howard’s name in shame.” 

It was true, wasn’t it? Katherine squirmed in her seat, the wood panelling glowing a soft orange from the small candle lit in front of her. She wanted to say something, to apologise for not living up to her step-grandmothers wishes, but she found herself unable to speak. She was ashamed of herself, of the woman she had been and the woman she is now.

“It can’t be helped, I suppose. Still, I don’t believe I raised you to be such a whore.” Agnes sighed, taking a seat on her chair with a small frown. She locked eyes with Katherine, her dull and lifeless gaze terrifying the youngest queen and sending chills down her spine. “What to do with you, Kitty?” The nickname made her wince- how did she know it?

And then the scene changed. She was in front of all the queens now. They were sat on a dining table like one from the castle, the five of them on one side- sitting like mannequins- while she sat on the other uselessly. Their faces were blank, mouths neutral and eyes devoid of anything. They each had their costumes on from the show, the only vivid thing in the entire scene whereas Katherine was just in the clothes she wore when she was working under the Dowager Duchess, a pale dress down to her toes and a bonnet with shackles and chains with Those Men’s names on them, weighing her down. 

Panic was rising in her throat, unable to move any of her limbs as Catalina’s dead eyes bore into Katherine’s own.

“L-Lina,” She stuttered, breath coming in uneven as she tried to pitifully stand. “Please, I’m sorry—”

“Save it, Katherine,” She said coldly, palms placed down on the oak table to give her a more intimidating stance. “The others and I have been thinking and we don’t want you here anymore.

Jane continued on, “Anne and I don’t want to even consider you as family, which is fine by us frankly because you never were in the first place. I care for the other queens deeply but for me to even consider you a friend fills me with shame.” She spat. “It’s not in my interests to befriend some sluts.”

There was a pause as Katherine sniffed, wrists straining under the Dereham chain as she wanted to rub at her eyes, to get rid of the tears from her face. She couldn’t, and it was the most humiliating part.

“I regret knowing you.” Anna sighed. “In both lives. The only useful thing you did for me was taking Henry off of my hands. If I could take back the dance, knowing the type of person you are now? Then God knows that I would.”

“You ruined my life,” Was all that Cathy had said, and she didn’t even bother saying anything more. Katherine couldn’t blame her. 

The only one that hadn’t spoken yet was Anne. Katherine couldn’t even look at her, choosing to look at the loose threads on her dress.

“I can’t believe I called you my cousin.” She didn’t sound as angry or upset as the other queens that spoke before. She sounded cold, lifeless almost, and it made her so uncomfortable. “At least when I got accused of adultery and got beheaded, I knew it was a lie. Can the same be said for you?”

“A-Annie, I didn’t want it, you helped me to realise—”

“Off with her head.” Anne had cut her off, and before she knew it, she was on her knees in front of the executioner. Her head was on the block, and the last thing she heard as the slash of the blade through the air—

And then she woke up. 

Her pillow was soaked, her chest ached with the effort of trying to breathe, but she was awake and wasn’t that enough?

The queens words rang in her mind as she checked her phone for the time. Messages filled her screen from her family, but she could only ignore it and looked at the top of her screen. Three in the morning. She ought to go get some water and then she’ll just figure our what to do from there. Sleeping wasn’t an option and she wasn’t sure if going to the other’s room was appropriate- even if she wanted to. Tiktok was an option, she supposed, padding out of her room and going down into the kitchen.

Anne was there, getting some snacks of her own and it was then that the younger of the two cousins stiffened. “Annie,” She breathed, her eyes tearing up again. 

Anne seemed surprised to see Katherine, and although she seemed a little nervous (which was so unlike her), she still offered that one hundred pound smile and opened her arms which the other queen uselessly tossed herself into with a loud sob. “I’m s-so sorry for all the hh-orrible things I’ve said,” She managed, hiding into the green queen’s dressing gown. “I d-didn’t mean any of it. I—I’m s-so scared and overwhelmed, Annie, please—”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Anne shushed, kissing the top of her head soothingly and rocking them back and forth in the kitchen. “You want to tell me about what’s going on, Kit? Please? We’re all so worried for you…”

“Anne, I can’t…” Katherine pulled away sadly, rubbing at her tired eyes and moving to the sink to fix herself a small glass of water. “I need to go back upstairs now.”

“Kitty? Katherine, come on,” She plead. “What’s gotten into you?” She didn’t get a response as Katherine moved upstairs again, just as quiet as she’d come in. Anne knew better than to push and prod, not wanting to be snapped at like just the day before, but she was just thankful that some progress had been made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Memories Lie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNxTGqluur8)  
> Please leave a comment <3


	4. Tell Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A broken heart is just the start of what it is that could go wrong // Katherine Howard isn't coping well with her second chance of life

It had been around two weeks since Katherine Howard had apologised to Anne, and truthfully, things weren’t any better. All the queens were effectively pushed away and all of them were torn between forcing their way through her walls and just letting her come out of her shell in her own time.

But that was just fine for Katherine Howard. She didn’t want to let them in in case she disappointed them, she didn’t want them to judge her for not being able to move on and be okay and not have to think constantly about the past. Because that was what it was, the past; 500 or so years ago. To her, it made no sense to be so hung up over everything and here she was, constantly crying and only coming out to quickly grab some food and go back into her room.

She was just struggling so hard and she just wasn’t sure how to ask for help or if it was even worth asking for help. She wasn’t even sure anymore if she was worth help, but God did she not crave for some sort of comfort. Whether that came in the form of a cuddle or a laugh at Anne’s antics, she didn’t even care. 

She knew that the way she was feeling was her fault, there was nobody else but to blame. But it felt like she’d dug a hole for herself and there was no point in trying to get out of it because that would just make her seem weaker than she was. It would just seem pathetic that after a couple of weeks of locking herself away, she would just crawl back to the others and beg for forgiveness or something of the sort. Could she even be forgiven? Katherine didn’t think so.

She didn’t even think she was forgiven for all the sins she committed all those many years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tell Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_IsqQJ7jzo)  
> this chapter is so short but i've been struggling with it!! sorry. I'll be updating later with a longer update.


	5. I'm so Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was happy for you // Katherine Howard is not coping with her second chance of life

It was show day and Katherine knew she had to face the queens. It was just the same routine, wake up and shower, have breakfast, watch Annie pull a prank of some sort, watch Catalina sigh exasperatedly. Then it was do whatever until lunch, drive to the theatre for prep and sound and makeup and then go on stage. 

Maybe it was because of the state of mind she was in, singing backup to the other queens and listening to the dialogue, but the whole joking about everyone’s trauma, making light of it all seemed… awful. Of course, that was the climax of the show, to talk about how messed up it all was and then it was the reveal, but the thought of the queens joking about their issues like it didn’t matter made Katherine lose just a bit of energy. Not enough to halt the show but, surely, enough to notice. 

It was time for her solo. The roast didn’t have much of the heat it usually did, even if she did her best to keep it all together and playful. And then the song started, the bass reverberating through her chest and it was like she just. Dissociated. Just like it was the same old song, same old motion, and the music and her lyrics and the lights were just overwhelming her. Much like a performing monkey, she kept her quips funny between the verses, she sang and riffed and danced. She did what was required of her and, God, did she feel sick.

The final verse began, about Thomas Culpepper, and she already began to cry just before she was meant to. The most important thing about stage acting is you aren’t meant to cry, it clogs up your vocal chords with mucus and her sniffling was coming clear through the microphone and it was humiliating. Why was she the one suffering? The saddest song in the show was Heart of Stone and yet Jane Seymour could keep it together! Why couldn’t she?

The song ended with a choked sob, which really wasn’t all too different to the gasp it usually ended on, there was a pause as she tried to recollect herself, a swing in the wings unsure if she was meant to come on and lead Katherine away so she could finish the show for her, but then the fifth queen cleared her throat and smiled. And the show continued.

Jane had tried to approach her in the dressing rooms as Katherine tried to clean her face up and put her costume away. She was so concerned, so afraid for the other woman, but before she could call her name, she was hit with an “I’m fine, honestly.” From the fifth queen and that was that. 

She didn’t need them to know exactly what she was struggling with. She was happy for them that they were fine, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm so happy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nJj8OOLm-M)  
> I'm gonna write one more and then that's me making up for these short chapters. please leave a comment!!


	6. I'm So Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't know who I am and I'm feeling || Katherine Howard is not coping with her second chance of life

Katherine had finally come to the conclusion that she was depressed, which lead to two thought processes:

Maybe she should tell the queens and get the help that she actually needed, get back to a better frame of mind and a healthy relationship with the people that live in her house. Maybe if she got help, she could process the past and move on in a healthy manner rather than living it.

Or…

Not show that weakness at all and continue on this destructive path she was currently in.

She understood exactly what she needed to do. She had an idea of how to do it (just go to anybody and ask for help, for support, for something--) but it was just the process of doing it that was so hard. The idea of getting out of her room to find someone filled her with dread and anxiety, so it was just easier to stay in bed for a little bit longer. 

“Hey, Lina, help me,” She muttered with a sardonic laugh, laying back on the bed and toying with her phone with a small, sad sigh. Embarrassing. What type of person would waste their second chance like this? Just staring at the same four walls as the world just kept on turning.

Rolling to her side, Katherine unlocked her phone and let her thumb hover over Whatsapp and checked out the queens’ group chat that she had muted. It had been quiet, only really used when Cathy’s busy writing in her room or they’re all out and about. 

Kitty: Hey um…. i think I need help lol  
Bobo: kitty!!!! come downstairs rn, we need to talk and dw you arnt in trouble. we miss you :(

Katherine’s stomach twisted with dread, but she locked her phone and tucked it under her pillow just for now. As she crept down the stairs like a child whose parent was mad at them, she could hear the queens muttering—probably about her—and she hesitated at the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes were already filling with anxious tears, but after what felt like an eternity, she entered the living room where everyone else was and sat down with a quiet greeting.

She was fully aware that it was going to be a long talk, but as she saw the concern and even misty eyes amongst the small crowd in the living room, she knew that maybe she would be okay. She just had to be honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm So Sad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpRyJ9IgINw)  
> it's only gonna go up from here guys!!!! i'm also considering cutting this one chapter short as a song doesn't quite fit


	7. Momento Mori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could it be the presence of memory is all we are and all that we'll ever be? || Katherine Howard is not coping well with her second chance of life.

They were sat spread around the living room, and it reminded Katheirne of the dream she had a little while ago, just without the chains and the wooden oak desk that was in front of her. She took her seat on the beanbag they’d placed in front of the general area that the remaining five were sitting, just so it was easier to converse.

“What’s been going on, mija?” Catalina started, breaking the ice with a small sigh as she leaned forward a bit. All of them had been so worried, talking about ways to help- if they could help, and the eldest was just so relieved that they were able to start talking about it. That they could have that normalcy back. “You know you can tell us anything.”

Katherine twitched a little uncomfortably, picking at the frayed thread on her pyjama bottoms as she listened to the radio station that Cathy had turned on on the TV. Capitol was always nice. The more she distracted herself with her thoughts, the longer the silence ran and the more Katherine felt so awkward and out of place.

“Kit,” Anna prompted gently, offering an encouraging smile as Katherine seemed to jerk out of her daze. 

“Oh, um,” Katherine began, smacking her lips as she thought about how she could phrase. “It’s just some…” She trailed off, that train of thought derailing and crashing. This was so difficult. “Nightmares.” She finished flatly, her brows furrowing. It wasn’t a full lie. “I’ve just not been sleeping well, you know? Um…”

Anne’s eyes narrowed a little as she leaned forward with a sigh. “I know you’re hiding something, Kat. We’re cousins, I know you far better than you think I do and I know there’s more to this.”

Katherine could only smile a tiny bit at that. She supposed that was true, but it made things all the more hard. How was she supposed to do this? To admit everything that laid so heavily on her chest for months? 

“I’ve been,” She hesitated for a moment. “Struggling… with all of this.” The youngest finally admitted with a small wince, fingers clasped together as if that alone could make her appear smaller. “This second life. All these memories. That’s all I am, right? A… a memory of a queen that barely made a difference.” 

“Kitty,” Cathy sighed softly. “You’re so much more than that. You’re such an incredibly strong woman, you know?”  
“I don’t!” Came her protest, voice beginning to quake ever so slightly. “I’m not strong. God, I’m jealous of you all!” The tears came down quick and hot, and she couldn’t help but feel so guilty now that it was out in the open. “You’re all coping with it so well, and-and I hate that! I hate that I can’t put something five hundred years in the past behind me. I… I… It’s like, I’m never going to get to the point where I can make jokes about the things that happened to me when I’m stage comfortably….”

“Katherine,” Jane murmured softly. “We all have our bad spells. When I miss Edward too much, I’ll just knit some baby clothes for example.” She tried to soothe. 

“But I almost hate you all! That’s not good. I don’t, I love you all and-ad I’m terrified that that makes me such a bad person!” And it did. Logically, that made so much sense to her—

“We could never, mija. You’re hurting, and we’ve known this for a while, and it’s us that should be apologetic for not doing something when we first noticed the signs. We’ll do better. That is, if you let us help you.” 

Katherine sniffled as Anne sat beside her to give her a tight cuddle. She nodded, and a little bit of the tension eased from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Momento Mori](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkDQGum7_i4)  
> Here we are, the conversation. 
> 
> I've decided I'm cutting the fic down by two songs, if only because I've realised there are two that don't work with the narrative I've built up. I'm going to link to them here so if you're listening along, please listen to these songs too! <3
> 
> [From the Stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2SOkAlcS7Y) [Reno](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8DRbgyDZxI)
> 
> Please leave a comment!! Also could someone explain to me why I struggle with getting my fic to page 1 every time I update it? Thank you


End file.
